


A Handful of Kisses

by JessicaDoom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Consensual Underage Sex, Drabble Collection, Drunken Kissing, Endgame Albus Potter/Scorpius Malfoy, First Time, Grief/Mourning, Gryffindor Albus Severus Potter, Gryffindor Scorpius Malfoy, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, M/M, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Pining, Post-Break Up, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-15 06:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 30
Words: 19,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaDoom/pseuds/JessicaDoom
Summary: There was nothing delusional in his need to keep Scorpius close. There was nothing delusional in his desire for escape in the most satisfying way he knew how. Because hedidmiss Scorpius in the most raw way he'd ever missed anyone. But that was over. And it was fine. After all, they both had agreed to this. They had both agreed that despite those very real feelings...they were better as friends.Inevitable tragedy lashes out at Albus and Scorpius' relationship, ending them before they'd hardly begun. But Albus isn't ready to give up yet, even if all signs point to Scorpius moving on.(A Scorbus 30 Day Challenge)





	1. Hello Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Over at the Facebook group DRARRY: fanfiction and fanart, we've started a new drabble writing series. Each day a new kiss. This is the first installment. The plan is for others to follow Al and Scor's relationship, as well. The plan is for it to be beautiful. We'll see. I'm not feeling much like beautiful things lately.

" _Stop it_ , he'll see!"

Scorpius had been told time and time again not to greet Albus with a kiss. Not to kiss him in general. Not when people were around, anyway. Not anywhere anyone could see them. And most certainly not in front of Albus' father. Not with him so damn close – just on the other side of the garden wall. If he were to turn around and straighten up just a bit, he'd see. He'd see them there in one another's arm. Intimate and close.

Gayer than fucking Christmas.

Per usual, Scorpius response was to take a step back, hands up in defense. And then, with something that could only be described as a giggle, he would step back in and just lightly kiss Albus' cheek. Just like he had done for five years. Soft and sweet. Merely a gentle, friendly greeting. "Better?" he whispered. "Or should I stop touching you altogether? Would that make you happier? If I never kissed you again…?"

Swallowing his pride, Albus shook his head. Vigorously. He didn't want that. He would  _never_  ask for that. "Just….  _Please_. I don't want them to see. Not yet."  _Maybe not ever_ , he thought.

It wasn't like he was ashamed. They'd had this conversation a million times and Albus could just never put it into words. He didn't want people to know. He didn't know why. Nobody would likely judge him for it. His family, his friends – they weren't closed minded. And…it really wasn't anything to do with Scorpius, either. They had all long since accepted his friendship with the Malfoy boy. And they were so close, he was sure no one would be surprised.

No…it wasn't anything like that. It was hard for even Albus to understand why. He supposed, if he had to put any sort of reason to it…perhaps he would say that he just didn't want to share. This was something all his. Nobody – not even Rose – knew about them. Nobody had known in the year they'd been doing this thing of theirs. This passionate, beautiful thing they had. And he wasn't about ready to give that up. Not just yet. Not when it was the only thing he had to himself for the first time in his whole, damn life.

No. This had nothing to do with shame. Albus just wanted the beauty of Scorpius to himself. And if that meant he had to give up those savory hello kisses…well, then so be it.


	2. I Miss You Kiss

The break-up was nobody's fault. Things ended on rather amicable terms. Albus and Scorpius just…found that it was easier to be friends. Especially after what happened with Lily at the beginning of their sixth year. Albus was too preoccupied with his grief to keep up a relationship. It wasn't fair to either of them that he spread himself so thin. They both agreed on that. They both agreed it was healthier to stay friends.

But that didn't mean Albus didn't miss the warmth of someone in his bed at night. It didn't mean he didn't miss the pressure of someone at his side to keep the nightmares at bay. And it didn't mean he didn't miss losing himself in a kiss now and then.

It just meant he really wasn't allowed to.

He tried doing the detached intimacy thing. He tried it exactly one time. That was something he definitely wasn't good at. And it just felt wrong having Scorpius ask how it went over breakfast the next morning. Especially since the entire time Walter Belby was suckling a hickey into his neck, Albus couldn't keep his mind from wandering to daydreams of his best friend.

Albus kept his intimate distance from Scorpius for exactly one hundred and thirty-two days. He kept it until his alcohol-addled mind snapped for him in the middle of the end of year bash. One of the seventh-years had plied the Gryffindor common room with an insane number of cider bottles and Albus just found losing himself a bit too tempting. The year was nearly over and he rationalized that he deserved to celebrate the end of something so difficult.

His celebration inevitably culminated in holding tight to a toilet bowl to keep the room from spinning. And there was Scorpius, at his side like any best mate should be. Combing his hair back from his face, pressing a cold compress to his neck, and whispering soft promises of feeling better after getting it all out.

He was there and he was sweet and Albus had no inhibitions left. It took a long moment for his brain to catch up to his actions. It took a long moment for him to process that his less-than-desirable lips were pressing wayward kisses down Scorpius' face. And it took a long moment for him to remember that this wasn't something he should be doing.

"Sorry," he slurred before trying to stand on his wobbling legs. Scorpius was still on the tile floor, frozen and wearing a mask of confusion. He rolled a few drunken excuses around in his mind, nearly allowing an 'I miss you' to tumble out before catching himself with, "I should probably sleep this off. Starting to get delusional…," followed by a sloppy chuckle.

Out of everything he'd ever done while drunk, this was by far the thing Albus was most conscious about. There was nothing delusional in his need to keep Scorpius close. There was nothing delusional in his desire for escape in the most satisfying way he knew how. Because he  _did_  miss Scorpius in the most raw way he'd ever missed anyone.

But that was over. And it was fine. After all, they both had agreed to this. They had both agreed that despite those very real feelings...they were better as friends.

There was nothing to miss because it was better this way.

They had agreed on it.


	3. Playful Kiss

"I could pretend to be your boyfriend. Make him jealous. If you think that would help."

"Oh, my knight in shining armor," Albus laughed in reply. The sarcasm of it was a bit lost as he had to shout over the thrumming of the loud music. But Scorpius smiled anyway and wrapped his arms securely around Albus' waist. His breath was hot and smelled of sweet wine and Albus found himself easily drunk off of it himself. Especially once he started kissing a wet, giggling trail from Albus' ear to his collarbone.

It was their fourth Friday in a row frequenting this exact club and the summer was nearly over. Following the debacle of the year end bash, Albus had vowed to get over Scorpius before the start of seventh year. And to get over him…he would have to get  _under_  someone else. And the someone else he had in mind perched himself at the bar every night, teasing Albus with his fit body in those tight t-shirts. "He probably already thinks you're my boyfriend," Albus sighed. "That's probably why he hasn't spoken to me since forcefully snogging me in the bathroom a month back. He doesn't want to deal with competition. Maybe he's nice like that. Respectful."

Behind him, Scorpius scoffed before pressing his lips to Albus' temple. "Maybe you should just forget about him and shag someone else. Someone who doesn't play games."

For a fleeting moment, Albus thought maybe Scorpius was referring to himself. But he quickly forgot that, reminding himself for the millionth time that they were just friends now. With a deep, forlorn sigh, he pushed away Scorpius' playful kisses and stepped out of his hold. "No, I want  _him_. He looks like a perfectly molded chocolate treat. Like a chocolate bunny…but in the shape of a man. A real fucking  _man_." He groaned obstinately before taking a stomping step towards the bar. "I think I'm just gonna ask him to fuck me. Fingers crossed for a 'yes'!" He made certain he was facing away from Scorpius before adding, "And if he says 'no'...you'll just have to suck on my neck a bit more so I can pretend like I'm actually getting some this summer."

Albus heard Scorpius' brilliant laugh behind him and almost turned right then to fall back into his arms.


	4. I Love You Kiss

Lying naked next to a stranger can definitely throw a few things into perspective. Such as the dark pit of loneliness inside a soul that can only be filled by one person's presence. And how that pit can really grow when trying to take solace in another.

Sighing softly, Albus let his gaze just barely fall sideways to look at the man next to him. The stranger whose body did less for him that he had hoped. He certainly  _was_  fit and Albus had to admit that he was definitely into that type. The type who could pick him up and fuck him against a wall with hardly any effort. But everything about him was so different from Scorpius, this tryst really just ended up reminding him of how much he missed  _that_. And thinking this only sent him down a spiral of memories he so desperately wished he could forget. Namely one in particular.

_It was just after the funeral. Just after Albus had returned to school. He hadn't even mustered the wherewithal to attend classes yet; he had spent the last couple days merely wandering the halls or lying fully clothed on his bed in a ghost-like state. The news had long since sunk in, it just…didn't quite feel real yet. Like any moment Lily would pop around the corner, pulling off their dad's invisibility cloak with that dimply grin of hers. Cackling like a maniac._

" _I don't think I tell people I love them enough," Albus muttered to Scorpius on one of the last nights he allowed himself to sulk. He was curled into his then-boyfriend's side, fingers just under his shirt. Just able to touch the pale skin of his stomach. They broke up just a few days later and Albus was well aware of this being the last time he was so sweetly intimate with him. "I don't think…. I don't think I told her that I, uh…loved her. Not enough. Do I tell you enough?"_

_Scorpius, as always, was gentle yet light-hearted in his response. "No, not really," he whispered back and Albus' heart started pounding. "No, I could probably count on one hand how many times you've said it."_

" _That can't-"_

" _Shh, let me finish." Ever so gently, Scorpius coursed his fingers through Albus' hair. A moment later, they were replaced with his lips. He pressed sweet kisses against the roots over and over again until Albus began to relax beneath him. "You don't say it but once in a blue moon. But the way you kiss me, Al…. Whenever you kiss me, I know you pour your heart and soul into it. Into me. You kiss me like you've never loved anything more in the world. Like I'm the only one in the world. You show it so well. You're so full of love; I don't see how anyone could think different. And you shower that on everyone. Not just me._

" _She knew, Al. She knew you loved her. Anytime she needed you, you were there at the drop of a hat. Like that time she ripped her skirt in the middle of the Great Hall? You guys were fighting and still you were right at her side in a flash. You helped her out of there before hardly anyone noticed, your sweater around her waist. It's the little things, Al. It's the little things with you."_

_Smiling through the tears falling down his cheeks – they were always falling these days – Albus leaned up to give Scorpius one of those breath-stealing kisses. The ones that he put his entire self into. The ones that spoke for themselves when he just couldn't find the words. Which, to be honest, was most of the time._

Albus hadn't kissed Scorpius like that since that night. He had to wonder if he could still tell Albus loved him without those kisses. If he showed it well enough these days….

"Hey." Albus pulled himself violently from his own thoughts, whipping his head to the side. The stranger was awake, smiling at him like he was something special. For just a moment, his stomach fluttered and he allowed himself to smile back. "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"

"Nothing." Throwing memories aside, Albus pushed up from the pillow and closed the small gap between them. He captured the stranger's lips and felt him melting beneath. Felt him caving in to the heat of the kiss and wondering somewhere in the back of his mind if he could feel even an ounce of Albus' love in it. Or if, perhaps, that was something only Scorpius could feel.

Or, more than likely, something he reserved solely for Scorpius and Scorpius alone.


	5. Good Morning Kiss

The house smelt exactly like home in the morning time when Albus walked through the front door. It had never stopped seeming normal, even when everything else in the world felt wrong. Which felt wrong in itself really, even to this day.

“Morning, Mum,” Albus sighed as he stepped into the kitchen. Gently, he leaned up on his toes to press a kiss to his mother’s temple. Despite looking so much like his father, he still hadn’t inherited his height. He was the shortest in the family now.

She turned with a half-smile herself, echoing back, “Good morning, chicken.” Ginny looked just as she always did these days – a bit hollow and smiles never meeting her eyes. Albus was sure if he was still hurting, she had to have it much worse. But they never talked about it. They never talked about Lily anymore. They never talked about much of importance anymore…. “There’s still some eggs left, if you’re hungry.”

More than eager, Albus helped himself to what remained of breakfast. “Dad leave already?” he asked around a slice of toast.

Ginny nodded while checking her watch. She almost looked nervous. Like she might be sitting on a question too awkward to ask. “He’s out meeting with investors today.” Albus’ stomach turned a bit and he suddenly found it difficult to swallow his mouthful of eggs. His dad had a slightly delusional idea to start a broomstick safety campaign. If he was out looking for backing, it meant he was finally ready to put his plan into action. Which was fine, if that was how he needed to cope. But Albus was certain it would make no difference. Lily would still be dead and it would still be due to careless circumstances.

“Where were you last night, chicken?”

Blinking away his tears, Albus pointedly avoided his mother’s gaze. “I stayed at Scorpius’.” It felt incredibly wrong lying to her after everything, but he also definitely wasn’t comfortable telling her that particular truth. “I swear I told you I was going to….”

Of course, being his mother, she could see right through it. He could see it on her face. But she said not a word about it and merely muttered a disapproval for him spending the night at that particular home.

“Mum, we’re not dating any longer. You have nothing to worry about.” Albus’ cheeks were red and he was more than ready to leave this conversation. This was more than they had talked in months, which hurt of course. But this hurt, too – just in a different way. “Look, I just came home to change clothes. We’re going shopping for our school things. I have to meet Scor at Diagon Alley in about ten minutes, so….”

“Oh. You’re shopping with him…. I guess I didn’t really realize last year was my, well, last year.”

It was all overwhelming. Albus was crawling in his skin. After his night with the stranger, he was already feeling a bit shell-shocked. And now this. Now his mother, who couldn’t speak to him about his sister in even normal conversation, was pulling some sort of guilt trip over her dead body. A guilt trip that was most definitely working. Clearing his throat, Albus swallowed his last bite and kissed her temple once more. “You can come with, Mum. Scorpius won’t mind.” Scorpius really wouldn’t mind. He was always rather fond of Ginny, not having a mother himself. Not that he’d ever said it in so many words.

But Albus…. Albus minded a bit. After last night he was itching to spend time alone with his friend. And itching to tell him as much. He had almost entirely made up his mind to air his feelings. Just get it out of the way before their last year started. A terrible idea, really, but the secrets were almost eating him alive. And as nice as last night was, he so desperately wanted Scorpius back in the place of the stranger.

Reminding himself once again that Scorpius deserved better, Albus linked arms with his mother and steered her towards the stairs. “You just have to promise me we can get ice cream, per tradition. Deal?”

Ginny’s smile very nearly came across as convincing when she agreed with a teary-eyed “Deal.”


	6. Sad Kiss

Professor McGonagall included Lily in her welcome speech. Without warning to those who couldn’t bear to hear her name, she dropped it like she was doing everyone a favor. Like she thought it was her right to be keeping the girl's memory alive.

“Lily's memory doesn’t belong to her,” Albus hissed, pacing the stretch of floor between his and Scorpius' beds. He’d been like this for hours – all the way through dinner and into the early morning. Their roommates had long since angrily drawn their curtains, all out of pity in favor of being ready for class in the morning. Not Scorpius, though. Never Scorpius. He stayed where he was, perched on the edge of his mattress, with that understanding look on his features. Dutiful and caring. “It doesn’t belong to her and it doesn’t belong to those first years. They didn’t _know_ her. They don’t have any _right_ to grieve her.

“At least Dad and his band of sob story parents didn’t show up. That’s the only thing that could have made it worse. Some bullshit safety workshop…. I know it’s still coming, though. He said they’re just not 'ready' yet. Whatever that means.”

Albus sighed and finally flopped down next to Scorpius. The fatigue was finally hitting him and he was all out of tears to shed. “I just…. I’m just tired, Scor. I’m tired of holding it together because everyone else thinks they need to mourn her more. It’s stupid, I know, but-”

Before he could even think to finish his thought, Scorpius leaned in and silenced him in the only way he probably knew how. His fingers were soft in Albus' hair, cradling both sides of his face. Wiping the last of his tears with the pads of his thumb. Which was amazing and sweet in itself, but Albus could hardly focus on that with Scorpius' lips pressed to his own. His breath froze in his lungs and cautionary flags waved behind his eyelids. But it felt _so nice_. Except….

This kiss wasn’t the same. Not the same as he would give a year ago, anyway. No…this kiss was soft and calming and filled with an echo of his own sadness. It just barely glimpsed his lips and lacked any real source of passion. It was kind but not deep. Not sexual. This was the kiss of a friend or a brother, not of a man who wanted to snog him into forgetting his problems.

“It’s not stupid,” Scorpius whispered after the half-second it lasted. His breath was even and his hands were steady. The kiss hadn’t affected him at all.

Next to him, Albus was the exact opposite. He was quiet now, but it was definitely due to shock and not Scorpius’ comforting words. His own hands were trembling and he had to shove them under his bum to try and keep himself appearing even remotely normal. “I should get some sleep,” he stammered out, but made no move to leave.

“Stay,” Scorpius insisted, lying back to shimmy under the covers. “When you’re like this, it’s hard for you to sleep. So, stay. You always sleep sounder next to someone else.”

In his current state, Albus couldn’t even fake a denial. And it was true – he had less nightmares by Scorpius' side. Giving a pathetic and watery sniff, he nodded and crawled up next to him. His ear to his chest, grounded by the soft thumping of his regular heartbeat.

Grounded by a vigilant reminder of how things were actually going to be in their last year as he allowed his eyelids to droop, the homey scent of Scorpius on every breath he took in.


	7. Summer Kiss

_Even though they had met on the train in the fall, Albus would always equate the Scorpius with summer. He would always think of him in the way he was now, first and foremost. Happy, sunburt, and smelling of coconut sunscreen. Drenched in sun and shining like a fucking angel of Muggle religion – halo and all._  
  
_They met on the train, but they grew closest in the sun. In the summer air, being reckless children together. Living up to their Gryffindor title by creating all sorts of havoc on both their households. But mostly, lying in the grass behind Scorpius'  home – a cottage by the sea – making shapes out of clouds and whispering secrets. They could be themselves with one another._  
  
_And they could slowly fall in love._  
  
_Albus wasn’t even really sure how it happened. He hadn’t given all that much thought to Scorpius being anything more than a friend to him. What they had was just…what they had. It was normal for them, even if they were a bit closer than maybe some friends should be. They held hands and shared beds, but for the first few years that was all it was. It was friendly._  
  
_And then in the summer before fifth year, something broke. It broke slowly, like a rising sun. Consuming them in a light over time and before they even knew it, they were in bright and shining daylight. Before they knew it, they were linking their fingers a little tighter than usual and waking up in the morning with limbs entwined. Just like that…. They never even had a conversation about it. One day, they both just seemed to know what had shifted in their relationship and went along for the ride._  
  
_The aroma of Scorpius in the summertime changed then, too. He started to savor the warmness of the boy’s sun-kissed skin. He started to take longer pulls of his coconut sunscreen. And after they finally had that first real, intimate kiss under the clear and bright stars, he started to savor that too. The chapped feel of Scorpius’ lips and the way his body arched in like he was giving every bit of himself over to Albus._  
  
_Being close to Scorpius took on a whole new and secret meaning. Sneaking off with him behind the broom shed began to feel forbidden instead of a silly game of hide and seek from Lily. Touching his leg under the table at Sunday dinner was exciting where it had once felt so normal. What they had was suddenly so exciting, even though most of what they did was the exact same as before._  
  
_“You know…I like kissing you,” Scorpius whispered on one of their last nights cuddling under the moon._  
  
_Albus went a bit red, not realizing that was something that had to be said. Maybe he should have been the first to say it. There was a little nugget of worry fluttering in his belly telling him Scorpius must be upset he hadn’t. “Um…I like kissing you, too,” he said quickly, rolling a little closer into Scorpius’ arms. “A-and just being with you, really. I like you. A lot. And I really like this summer. I don’t want it to end….”_  
  
_“It’s not going to end,” Scorpius laughed and Albus could feel him smiling into the mess of his hair._  
  
_It was only half a thought, but Albus very nearly made him promise him of that. He almost made him guarantee forever before letting that be all they said on the matter. But that felt so…firm. It felt like a push into a direction they might not be fully ready for._  
  
As he awoke in Scorpius’ arms but so far removed from him, Albus found himself wishing he had. If he had made Scorpius promise, maybe his heart wouldn’t hurt this much every morning. And maybe everything in the world would be completely different. Maybe that could have even been the key to saving Lily. Maybe that was the one catalyst that sent their current reality spiraling out of control.  
  
Pushing the thoughts of summer kisses and warm skin from his mind, Albus gently pried himself away. Forcing himself back into the current reality of his life and vowing to try and forget all about that summer completely. This was the beginning of their last and most important school year and he wasn’t about to ruin that with wistful dreams of coconut sunscreen.


	8. Public Kiss

All at once, Albus felt like he could puke and punch a wall and burst into tears. But above all, he felt betrayed.

For nearly a week, he waited for Scorpius to say something. He waited for him to at least have the decency to break the truth to him. They never kept secrets from one another. At least…Albus hadn't ever kept any. But this made him wonder about their friendship. This made him wonder what else Scorpius must be hiding from him.

With a clear of his throat, Albus broke after six days of holding his anger in. "So…I think I might be ready to date again," he stated from the window seat. His tone was measured and even, but inside he was shaking with anger. "I think I'm stable enough for it now."

Without missing a single beat, Scorpius replied with a highly supportive, "That's great! Hey, that Belby kid is still into you. I heard him asking Rose if he might have a shot at another date with you. Or…or I'm sure we can find another guy for you to take to Hogsmeade this weekend."

Albus would be lying if he hadn't at least been partially hopeful Scorpius would assume he'd meant the two of them getting back together. It was half what he really meant, anyway. He was more than ready for the two of them to start dating again. All Scorpius had to do was say the word and he'd be all in. Even after this secret he was keeping. "Uh…yeah, we can find someone, I'm sure. But, uh…what about you, Scor? Are you going to date someone this year? We could give us another go…." He added a soft laugh at the end, trying to make it seem like a joke. Testing….

"Nah," Scorpius chuckled back. Perhaps sensing the importance of the conversation, he closed his textbook and settled his chin over linked fingers on his pillow. He always studied like this, on his stomach on his bed. The curtains at the side of his four-poster were drawn, but the one on the end remained open. He was closed off but still accessible. There were many things Albus loved about him, but this was one of the top ten. "It's not fair on the world if I keep you all to myself." That wink he gave was top five. "And besides, I'm way too busy to date this year. You probably should be, too. We can't make Healer on low N.E.W.T. scores."

"So…kissing my cousin out by the lake…is that part of your strict studying regimen?"

The smile slipped from Scorpius' lips as soon as the question made sense to him. It slid off his face like a broken mask. "You saw?" he asked on just the barest whisper.

Albus merely nodded, turning his eyes down to his own textbook. His anger had faded in a half-second into a deep pit of quiet sadness. Scorpius wasn't even trying to deny it. He had moved on and he was obviously happy about it. He seemed just so content.

"This isn't how I wanted you to find out."

"You were in bright and shining public, Scor. Of course I found out."

"Are you mad?"

"I'm just mad you were hiding it from me," Albus lied, snapping his book shut. He stood and crossed to Scorpius' bed, sitting next to his pillow. Coursing his fingers through the boy's hair. Trying to be a good friend even though his heart was breaking. "Both of you. When were you going to tell me?"

Scorpius shrugged, falling to the side and nuzzling into Albus' thigh. "I shouldn't have kissed him out there. Louis doesn't want to go public," he muttered. "He doesn't want people to know he's…like us. He's not even sure he is, yet. I wasn't hiding it from you, Al. I was just protecting him. He's scared in a way we never were. He's scared of the way people might talk, especially when people find out it's me he's dating. He doesn't want people to think anything unsavory about you."

People Albus cared about were hiding things from him and calling it a favor. It sounded absolutely ridiculous. But he would be incredibly rude to stay outwardly angry about that. And he might never get Scorpius back if he pushed him away now. "Take the time you guys need. I completely understand," he lied and pushed the hurt down even further into his belly.


	9. Happy Kiss

_They had decided – they were finally ready. They were ready to finally tell their friends and family and everyone about the love they had found in one another. And, just as important, they were finally ready to show one another just what that love meant._

_Albus would be lying if he said he wasn't scared. Or nervous. Or…whatever fell somewhere in between the two emotions. He'd been almost avoiding Scorpius all day. Every time he looked at his boyfriend, his stomach erupted in butterflies so violent he felt like he needed to run for the nearest wastepaper basket._

_He was ready. Really. He just…couldn't help but to worry about what came after this. They loved each other, he had no doubts about that. But…what if…for some reason, Scorpius became tired of him? Or what if he did something wrong and it made things awkward? Or…what if it wasn't going to feel as good as they were dreaming of? What if they should wait just a little bit longer?_

_There was no way he wanted to voice any of this aloud, so avoiding Scorpius felt like the better option. Until avoiding him was no longer possible…. Until they were meeting in their dorm at their pre-arranged time when all their other roommates were at Quidditch practice. They only had a couple hours to do this and had already agreed to waste not one second._

_Before Albus had really prepared himself, they were both sitting in his bed. The curtains were drawn and Scorpius was across from him, perched on his knees. They were dressed in nothing but their pants, but neither of them had made a move yet. They'd seen each other like this before. But never in anything less. Never fully naked. "We're still ready for this…right? I mean, I am," Scorpius assured, reaching out to grace his fingers over Albus' thigh. "I just want to make sure you are before…."_

_Taking a deep breath, Albus nodded and tried to forget his nerves. "Yeah…I want this, too, Scor. I do. Here…." He reached forward, pulling his boyfriend into a gentle kiss. A gentle kiss that turned prickly and warm as he tongued apart Scorpius' lips._

" _I…I worked it out," Scorpius whispered into their kiss. "The spells a-and…and all that."_

_Albus nodded, relaxing back towards the pillows. Taking slow and measured breaths as he beckoned Scorpius closer. "Is it going to hurt?"_

" _Probably at least a little bit," Scorpius said cautiously. "But I'll be careful. As careful as I can. I promise."_

" _Okay…." Albus' voice was wavering, but he was sure. He wanted this. He wanted all of this. And though he was feeling so nervous, he was sure that this moment and those to follow would be the happiest time of his life. And this night would be one to remember. One they would never forget. "Okay. C'mere." He pulled Scorpius towards him again, this time by his waistband. Scorpius shuffled forward, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. Albus chuckled, savoring the way he could make his boyfriend sweat. "Tonight…. Tonight you're going to show me how much you love me. You're going to show me how happy I make you." Scorpius' breath shook against Albus' lips as they barely met again. "I want to see and feel all of you, Scor. And then I want to shout from the rooftops to the whole world tomorrow about just how much you mean to me."_

_He wasn't sure if it was his words or his hand gliding down the boy's pants, but Albus was going to savor those beginnings of tears welling in Scorpius' eyes for the rest of his life._

_"Just promise me you'll be mine forever, okay? That's all I'm ever going to ask."_


	10. Long Kiss

Since finding out about Scorpius’ new relationship, Albus was dreaming of him more. He couldn’t get the boy out of his head. Most of the time, it was just memories that played behind his eyelids. Happier times in their lives. And that wasn’t so bad. In those dreams, Albus could find something beautiful. He wanted to live in those dreams and never come back.  
  
There were also, of course, the…’wet’ dreams. Half the time those were memories, but the other half…. The other half were fucking fantasies that had him waking at full attention. He’d taken to sleeping with his curtains drawn just to avoid humiliation. And to give himself the comfort of being able to take care of himself before he had to start his day around the source of his discomfort.  
  
Worst of all were the nightmares. They weren’t much worse than their present situation, which probably made them all the more terrifying. It seemed most mornings he was either waking hard, nostalgic, or in a cold sweat. It was a rare night if he didn’t dream of Scorpius in some respect or another.  
  
Which wasn’t all too terrible, Albus had to rationalize. Especially considering he never saw his friend anymore. If Scorpius wasn’t off studying or attending some class Albus had no desire for, he was with Louis. And sometimes they were studying – his Slytherin cousin took a lot of those difficult classes Scorpius loved. Most often, however, they were snogging.  
  
Like right now. And they weren’t all too subtle about it, either.  
  
It didn’t take long for Louis to be over whatever fright he had about coming out. They were public soon enough and Louis just _loved_ to tell anyone who would listen about how they got together. For the first time he could remember, Albus was actually jealous of their prefect status. And of the alone time that came with their patrols.  
  
Apart from those patrols, their favorite place to snog was the library. Being in different houses, they didn’t have the luxury of taking over a corner of the common room. And Albus, needing about ten different books for his History of Magic research paper, didn’t have the luxury to avoid them. They always insisted upon sitting at _his_ table, even though he was obviously ignored the whole time. The whole ordeal was so frustrating, Albus had taken to timing how long they could go just to keep himself somewhat distracted.  
  
This time was a record. They’d been snogging for an hour and forty-two minutes and counting, their own research papers ignored once again. Albus was certain they didn’t realize the due date was the next day. Or that neither of them had really started, whereas he had just finished his last sentence. Looking up just barely, Albus snuck another peek at the couple. Just a brief one, because if he stared he found himself growing irritable. “Well…I think I’m out for the night,” he stated loudly, causing the pair to finally pull away from one another.  
  
Sort of. Scorpius pulled back just enough to set his teeth to Louis’ jawline while fixating his gaze on his friend. “You’re done?” Louis asked on a giggling gasp.  
  
“It’s funny what you can accomplish when you’re not snogging someone’s brains out for two hours every night,” Albus snorted, snapping his borrowed books closed one by one. “Now if you’ll excuse me…I’m actually going to get some sleep tonight while the two of you are rushing to finish your papers.” He gave Scorpius a look that spoke louder than words could for them. Trying to remind him not to lose his good grades to his teenage libido.  
  
“Uh…yeah,” Scorpius said with a shake of his head. Looking like he was trying to reset himself on a smarter path. “Yeah, Al’s right. We should probably call it a night, Lou. I haven’t really even started my essay and…and I don’t want to fall behind already.” Gently, like he was afraid he might hurt Louis’ feelings, he leaned in and planted one more kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “I’ll see you for breakfast, yeah?”  
  
After a few more gaggingly sweet promises and goodbyes, Albus and Scorpius were finally heading back to their dorm room. Louis had, begrudgingly, gone the other way and Albus couldn’t help but be silently grateful for his absence. “You’re going to lose your rank at the top of our year if you miss assignments for him,” Albus warned as soon as they were out of earshot.  
  
“You don’t think I missed assignments to fool around with you?” Scorpius teased back. He didn’t seem fazed in the slightest by Albus' irritated tone. And that only caused him further irritation.  
  
“No, I don’t actually think you did. You got excellent marks all throughout last year. Even while we were dating.”  
  
Scorpius shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I have it handled, Al. I don’t need you mothering me. I’ve done fine enough without one for fourteen years.” Leaving the air tense with emotional magic behind him, Scorpius rushed off ahead towards the common room.  
  
They’d never fought before. Six years of friendship and a year and a half of that dating, they hadn’t had so much as a small row. Albus rationalized they were about due and allowed Scorpius his space. He couldn’t explain his anger, anyway. Not while still keeping their friendship in tact. So he let it go and vowed to be as friendly as possible in the morning.  
  
After he’d had a good fantasy-driven wank to get Scorpius out of his system for another day.


	11. Jealous Kiss

" _You're jealous of them, aren't you?"_

_Blushing a telling bright red, Albus tore his eyes away from Louis and Scorpius. On what would probably be the last nice Saturday of the year, all four of them - Albus, the couple, and Rose - were out enjoying the sunshine by the lake. The idea had sounded nice enough when proposed. N.E.W.T. level classes were tougher than he could have imagined. A break was definitely welcomed. But the instant they all reached the water, Louis and Scorpius peeled off and did their own thing. Just like they'd done for the past few weeks. He was left behind with Rose on the blanket they'd laid out, watching the boys splash around at the edge of the water, thinking it might have been better to stay inside and study after all._

" _Scorpius and I are over as boyfriends. Why would I be jealous? I'm happy for him…."_

_His tone must have been convincing, or perhaps Rose was being kind enough to call him out on what she'd really meant. "You're jealous he has someone. I can see you fuming."_

_Albus shrugged and repeated himself, his mask wavering just a touch. "He's my friend and I'm happy for him…. Honest, Rose."_

Even after she let it go, Albus couldn't shake her words. He'd tried not to put what he was feeling into words. But he supposed that fit. Jealousy. He was jealous, not just of what they had, but also of Louis in particular. That would probably explain why every time he saw his cousin, he wanted to hex him. Of course, he had come to terms with still being love with Scorpius. That was in no way new. But this violent jealousy over seeing him with someone else….

That stuck with him. He couldn't shake it. Well into that night he just couldn't push away the overwhelming feelings that came with having a real word for it. A word that echoed around in his mind over and over again, always in that judgmental voice only Rose had mastered.

He supposed it was jealousy that brought him into Scorpius' bed that night. Jealousy and another one of those dreams that had him waking in the middle of the night with a deep pit of longing in his belly. It was a bad idea. He knew it was a bad idea before he'd even left the warmth of his own sheets. But it was in his head and it wasn't leaving after what felt like hours of trying.

So there was no other cure for it but to slip in next to this boy's warmth. And once he was there, he just couldn't help himself. Scorpius was next to him…and then he was under him. From there….well, he just stop, could he? He pressed his lips to those beneath him, savoring the forbidden taste. Scorpius always ate one of his father's home-baked cookies before bed. Just one and he never shared. That was exactly what he tasted like. It was what Albus remembered him tasting like. He tasted familiar and Albus was  _finished_.

"Al…?"

Scorpius' question was soft, like he couldn't believe his current reality. Not that Albus could blame him. He couldn't really believe it, either. But, apparently, down south there was not a single question about it. He was kissing Scorpius and there was not a single doubt about how that made him feel.

"What are you doing?" Scorpius chuckled sleepily, pushing him away. "Are you sleepwalking? Did you forget I'm a taken man?"

Jealousy could only be quieted for so long. The ugliness roared in his belly again the instant Albus' mouth left the cookie-flavored sweetness of Scorpius' breath. He had no answer. He didn't know how to answer that. All he could manage was to sink down against Scorpius' chest, combing his fingers over the smooth, naked skin.


	12. Nose Kiss

Albus couldn’t remember a night since they’d broken up that he'd slept so well. In Scorpius’ arms, the taste of him still on Albus' lips, his mind was quiet. The world around him was still. Nothing seemed to matter more than staying close to him. Nothing was louder than the heart beating in the chest below his ear. Nothing mattered except their small space.  
  
Until it ended.  
  
The morning broke, dousing their dormitory in inescapable light. He was tempted to try and draw Scorpius' curtains, just to steal a bit more time. But he was afraid to move and shatter the bubble around them.  
  
Of course, Scorpius was bound to wake eventually. He was a natural riser and was usually up and ready before Albus had even contemplated the day. And that morning was no exception. He was rising just after the sun, stretching like a cat. It took almost every ounce of Albus’ restraint to keep his eyes from following the lean lines of his friend’s body as he sat up with him.  
  
“Did you have a bad dream?” Scorpius asked, seemingly unfazed by seeing his best friend – and, most importantly, ex-boyfriend - in his bed. He must not have remembered the kiss in the middle of the night. Or maybe he was pointedly trying to avoid it.  
  
Albus slowly shook his head, bowing it in shame before he forced himself to recover. “I just….” He frowned, not sure how to explain that fire of jealousy in his belly. Not without potentially ruining them forever.  
  
Perhaps sensing this, Scorpius rested his palm on Albus’ thigh. Effectively garnering his attention…in multiple, embarrassing ways. When Albus looked up at him, his eyes wide as bludgers, he leaned in and for just a second Albus was certain he was going to kiss him. He was going to _really_ kiss him and everything would be right with the world again.  
  
“I know,” Scorpius said softly, his breath hot on Albus’ face. “The anniversary is in a week. I had wondered when you would realize.” Albus scrunched his face, not quite comprehending. “If you need me, I’m here. I’m always here.”  
  
Scorpius didn’t end up kissing him. Not really. He merely finished closing that distance between them and then…gently pressed his lips to the bridge of Albus’ nose. Another one of those friendly, brotherly type kisses that only made the fire inside of him rage harder. The types of kisses he'd been giving since the start of their friendship. The types of kisses that really shouldn’t hurt Albus this way. “Thanks,” he ground out through his teeth before pushing up from under the covers, “but I think I can handle it on my own.”  
  
He didn’t want Scorpius to be sweet. It stung too much. And he most certainly didn’t want to be reminded of that particular anniversary in such a fragile state. He didn’t want any of this. Truthfully, all he wanted was to curl up under the covers with this boy and tune out the world for just one fucking day.  
  
But, most of all, he wanted to go back a year and start the fuck over. On Lily, on Scorpius, on _life_. All of it.


	13. Quick Kiss

Albus had been drunk for three days. It wasn’t really even helping. And it made the climb up the Quidditch stands rather difficult. Every step higher, he only became dizzier and dizzier. By the time they reached the top, he was nearly clinging to Scorpius for his life. “This is bullshit,” he slurred as he fell into his seat. “Why the fuck do we all have to sit here and listen to this bullshit because of one fucking accident?”  
  
Sitting cautiously next to him, Scorpius looked him up and down. His eyes were wide, as they’d been for three days when regarding him. But he hadn’t said a word about Albus’ chosen form of coping. He just stood by him, wiping puke from his hair when necessary. It was the most time he’d spent with his friend since the dark cloud of Louis had descended upon their life. It felt kind of nice. When Albus had the wherewithal to think about it for longer than a second, that was. “You don’t mean that, Al. And your dad…he’s just trying to help other people. Cut him some slack.”  
  
_“Wait, Al, come back!”_  
  
Throwing his hands up over his ears, Albus shook his head. “It’s not helping anything,” he whispered. “He’s not helping….”  
  
_“I haven’t finished showing you my new move. You have to watch! This shit is going to be pure gold!”_  
  
_Laughing softly, Albus waved his hand back towards the pitch. “Give it a rest, Lil! You couldn’t make it happen the first ten times, you won’t make it happen now! Let alone in the middle of a match.”_  
  
“I can’t be here.” Albus stood quickly, almost violently knocking Scorpius over. He’d pointedly avoided the whole Quidditch pitch for a year. He avoided the memorials and all the matches done in her honor. He avoided it all for this very reason. All of the ghosts were flooding back and he felt like he could be sick again. He fingered the flask in his pocket, knowing full well he’d emptied it before even beginning the climb. “I-I can’t….”  
  
“C’mon,” Scorpius said gently, righting himself and steering Albus towards the exit. Albus eagerly rushed down the stairs, nearly topping over several times.  
  
The only thing keeping him grounded was Scorpius’ hand on his hip. Behind them, his father’s voice could be heard booming throughout the pitch. He was starting his well-rehearsed safety speech, turning Albus’ stomach even more. “Make him stop,” he whined. “He’s only making it worse….”  
  
By the time they reached the grass behind the pitch, Albus’ head was spinning. He pressed into Scorpius’ chest to try and quiet all the voices.  
  
_“No, just wait one more minute, Al! You won’t be disa- Oh, shit!”_  
  
_Albus merely laughed and shook his head, continuing to walk away._  
  
Lily’s scream wouldn’t leave Albus’ head. The alcohol quieted it for just a bit. But it never fully went away. Neither did the guilt. “I should have…done something.” It had been the _one time_ Albus forgot his wand. It had been the _one time_ they were out there alone at night with no one else around to help. How could they have been so stupid? “It’s my fault, Scor. It’s my fault she died….”  
  
Just as they had been back then, Scorpius’ arms felt safe. His hold was tight enough to make him feel like he couldn’t breathe, but somehow that was exactly what he needed. It pushed out those voices better than alcohol ever could. And just when it became too much, he would pull back and kiss him like he was giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. At least…that’s how it used to be. This time when he pulled back, the kiss was weak. It was quick and friendly.  
  
And Albus was just drunk enough to recklessly take more. He settled a leg between his friend’s, trapping him with a subtle grind. He felt the breath leave Scorpius' lungs, invigorated and spurred on by it. Taking advantage of the parted lips, he deepened their kiss and slid he tongue over Scorpius'. He tasted familiar and safe. It tasted like the many nights spent in his hold, tears on his cheeks and cum on his chest. It tasted like regret and unhealed wounds.  
  
But most of all it tasted forbidden, especially once Scorpius finally pushed him away. A string of saliva clung to his chin before he violently wiped it away. Like it was something rancid and offensive. “I get that you’re grieving,” he tried to say softly, his tone just on the edge of hard, “but you can’t do that. It’s not fair…. Not to me…not to Louis…. You wanted to be over because you couldn’t handle any emotion but your sadness. You can’t come kissing me like that now. Not now.” He licked his lips and Albus hoped he was savoring the taste. “I want to be here for you, Albus. I do. But I can’t be that for you. I know you’re not there yet. You’re not healed enough to give a part of yourself to someone like that.”  
  
Gently, like he might not fully mean it, Scorpius pushed Albus' shoulder. “Go sleep off the booze. You’ll feel better sober, I promise. I’ll come check in on you later.” 


	14. 'Bite Bottom Lip' Kiss

_Albus couldn’t remember the last time his full concentration was in the love they made. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt clear-headed and in the moment. He couldn’t remember the last time his mind was his own._  
  
_Since the accident, it felt like his mind was a Muggle television. Except it was stuck on one channel – 'memory lane'. Lily was constantly on his mind. Every single thing he saw or did reminded him of her. Which wasn’t exactly sexy in the heat of the moment._  
  
_“Should we not do this tonight?”_  
  
_Blushing, Albus tried to pull his head out of the mud and back into the moment. “Sorry,” he muttered, gaze on Scorpius lips. He couldn’t remember losing the sensation of them pressed against his own. “I’m good. I’m here.”_  
  
_Levelling Albus with a look that said he knew otherwise, Scorpius leaned back in. There was only breath and the barest of space between them, a closeness Albus wished he could live in. “It doesn’t feel like it.” He reached between them to accentuate his point, massaging Albus' considerably soft cock beneath his trousers. “If you’re not into it, I'd rather know beforehand.” He softly nipped at the corner of Albus' lips, trying to keep things light. “I don’t want to push you.”_  
  
_It was Valentine's Day and Albus wished he could give more. It wasn’t fair that he wasn’t present when Scorpius  had gone to such lengths to ensure the Room of Requirement stayed empty for days so this could be special. All of the wards and trap charms he’d practiced…. He’d even gone so far as to confund a seventh year, desperate to keep him from gaining access. And that was all before he had instructed the Room to create such a stunning replica of the Malfoys' garden on the perfect, starry night.  They were curled around one another in what felt like real grass, almost everything as it was during their first summer 'together’. Before everything else…. “I really want to…. I mean, it’s Valentine’s and out of all the days to be romantic, this is the one. But I just…,” he trailed off, frowning when Scorpius continued to nibble a trail across his bottom lipline._  
  
_“Scor, I think we should break up.”_  
  
_Albus almost wouldn’t have known he’d stunned the boy. If he hadn’t felt Scorpius' breath catch at the same time as he bit Albus' lip just a bit too hard, he might have assumed this didn’t shock him at all. He was so cool when he pulled back, his expression so soft and understanding. Like maybe he’d been thinking the same thing. Like maybe he wasn’t heartbroken in the slightest. “Because of Lily?” he asked, gently caressing hair from Albus' face._  
  
_“Yeah,” Albus let out on the bated breath he'd been holding. “I mean, no, not really. Not because of her. It’s been four months and…I can’t blame her for things anymore. It’s all me. My head's not in it. Any of it. Anything…. And when I’m with you, I want to_ be _there. I want to feel it. Does that make sense?”_  
  
_For an agonizingly long minute, Scorpius took a beat to think. But Albus didn’t want him to think about it. If he waited too long to answer, he was likely to go back on what he said. He needed Scorpius more than anything. All of him. The last thing he wanted was to lose the one thing in his life that didn’t feel like a nightmare._  
  
_“If it’s better for you that we’re friends, I can handle that,” Scorpius finally said and Albus' heart nearly broke in two before he reminded himself that this_ had _to be for the best. “I love you no matter what, Albus Potter. You take whatever you need from me. I’ll always be here.”_


	15. Snowy Kiss

Albus wasn’t entirely certain why he had thought their break-up was easy. It was probably because he didn’t want to see what it did to the both of them. And, back then, he wasn’t quite in the right state to be worrying about someone else's feelings. His own had been so damn loud. And he was starting to realize that maybe Scorpius' had been, too. He just hadn’t listened to them.  
  
He had been telling himself for months that they had both agreed to this. They had come to a mutual agreement to end things. He conveniently forgot just how the conversation had actually progressed. He broke up with Scorpius. He broke up with him without asking for any input or talking things through. Selfishly, he had taken the idea of them being in love away from Scorpius and forced him back into a role he probably wasn’t ready for.  
  
The things Albus was going through now – the longing and the denial and the violent dreams – Scorpius had been through them all already. He had moved on. Albus was ready now, but he was too late. He’d blown his chance.  
  
After he’d sobered up from the debacle outside the Quidditch pitch, Albus full-on avoided Scorpius for as long as he could. More than anything, he was embarrassed. He’d tried to be so good. Kissing Scorpius at night in his sleep wasn’t all that risky. The boy was a hard sleeper most nights and hopefully didn’t remember it happening. Kissing him in broad daylight while soaked in alcohol, that was stupid.  
  
Being the absolute saint that he was, Scorpius never called attention to the incident after the fact. Things were a little tense on his end, but overall he remained cool. He remained the same. Within no time, everything was almost back to normal. Albus was pressing down his jealousy as best he could and filling his free time with knitting - his near-obsessive new hobby. It kept him distracted and concentrated on something else. It was easy to lose himself in a ball of yarn, even with Scorpius in the room. And that felt healthier than sitting and stewing his time away.  
  
“This hat is pretty useless.”  
  
Grinning, Albus shoved at Scorpius’ shoulder. The boy slipped on the icy brick beneath their first snowfall of the term, stumbling to regain his footing. “I _told_ you not to wear it.”  
  
In the end, Scorpius lost and ended up falling backwards into the fresh powder. Louis, the ever present feature upon Scorpius' arm, rushed to help him up while Albus dissolved into a fit of giggles. Pointedly ignoring the way Louis lipped the snowflakes from Scorpius' amused grin once he was back on his feet. If he didn’t look at it, it didn’t make him angry. At least, that’s what he had to tell himself to get through the day. Day by day….  
  
In an attempt to bring the three of them back to a semi-platonic level, Albus snatched the cap back from Scorpius' head. “I don’t get why it's unravelling. I followed the instructions….”  
  
The attempt was futile, of course. Once the couple lost themselves in a kiss, they were practically dead to the world. Albus had stood by too many times by now to know it was useless to wait them out. Sighing softly, he shoved the sorry excuse for a hat in his pocket and crunched away  through the snow. A new set of templates was calling him from his trunk, a sweet and generous gift from his grandmother who couldn’t be happier to find one of her grandchildren sharing in one of her passions. At the very least, at the end of this mess, he was at least going to come out a master craftsman. 


	16. Surprise Kiss

Albus was proud of himself. He had been so good. Since that day at the Quidditch pitch, he hadn’t crawled into Scorpius' bed even once. And he certainly hadn’t kissed him. He’d even stopped trying to do the normal things they'd done for years like holding hands or sharing an armchair in the common room. He was starving himself of Scorpius and might have even been starting to work. The dreams were coming less often. He was finding it easier to concentrate on other things. The possibility of never being romantic with him again was finally starting to feel real.  
  
He had been so good….  
  
And, of course, Scorpius had to rob him of all his progress. He had to steal his strength and dignity right from under his nose.  
  
Every single one of Albus' feelings returned full-fledged the instant Scorpius touched him. _Really_ touched him. Touched him in a way that left him trembling and knocked the very thought of breath from him.  
  
At first, Albus wasn’t sure what he was feeling was real. He was certain it was a dream. They were few and far between these days, but he still occasionally woke up achingly hard. He was sure that’s what this was. There was absolutely no way Scorpius' mouth was actually working him over right now. There was no way his cock was currently enveloped in the particular heat of Scorpius' tongue. There was no way the soft kisses Scorpius was known to press along his thighs were anything but imaginary.  
  
Except….  
  
It felt way too real. Hissing in a soft breath, Albus reached towards his cock. He was fully intent on taking care of the phantom feelings so he could sleep. When his fingers met flushed skin and silken hair, however, he nearly jumped straight out of bed. “What the _fuck_?” he whispered, just barely keeping it from being a scream.  
  
“Happy birthday….”  
  
The gentle whisper unmistakably belonged to Scorpius. At that realization alone,  Albus nearly came. He shuffled into a half-sitting position, grappling for too long for his wand. Reading his mind, Scorpius reached for his own and whispered a quick, “ _Lumos_.” Spittle clung to his lip, but he still looked like a fucking vision. “You look like you’ve seen a thestral,” he whispered, reaching around Albus' thigh to wipe his mouth.  
  
“I _have_ seen a thestral,” Albus whispered back. “And even _that_ is less jarring than _this_. What are you doing?”  
  
Scorpius looked extremely proud of himself when he answered. Like he had nothing to he worried about. “It’s tradition,” he stated, matter-of-fact. “Who am I to break a tradition after only two years?”  
  
Their conversation apparently over, Scorpius resumed his position between Albus legs, bringing about a shocked moan. “But L-Louis….”  
  
Albus could almost hear the smirk in Scorpius' words when he agonizingly pulled off again. “Louis doesn’t like…this stuff. And I miss sucking someone off. So shut your gob and enjoy it.”  
  
The only thing Albus wanted to do was enjoy it. Scorpius' mouth felt so damn good. He wanted to feel every damn second of it. And he was helpless to resist that. Like a blooming flower in the sunshine, he unwound for Scorpius. In embarrassingly record time, he was whispering the boy's name on his orgasm, feeling completely and totally undone.  
  
Feeling _fucked_ for anyone and everyone else to come after him.


	17. First Kiss

The taste of his own spunk soured Albus' tongue for a week straight. After he'd finished, Scorpius had kissed him like he used to. Deep and slow, their tongues just barely laving over one another. It lasted barely a few seconds, but he couldn't help but to replay it over and over again in his head. His birthday having been a mere few days before winter break, he had ample time in which to do this. In fact, he spent the whole train ride back by himself doing just that.

It had been their first,  _real_  kiss since the break-up. The first time they had both been active partners. And, if Scorpius' own need pressing into his thigh was any indication, it was the first time they were both craving more. If circumstances were different, Albus would've taken advantage of that. Oh, he  _wanted_  to take advantage of that. He wanted to beg Scorpius to use him in ways his boyfriend wouldn't. But he had a stronger moral compass than that.

"How are things with you and Louis, sweetheart? Fleur says his letters are so sweet. He's so excited."

"Oh…we're not together anymore…."

"What?" Albus lifted his head from knitting last minute touches on a few family presents. As he'd done for the past six years, Scorpius was spending Christmas Eve with the Potters. He was comfortable in the kitchen, so Albus' mother always stuck him on baking detail. They got in good bonding that way and Albus always had the luxury of watching them laugh and smile. This year was no different, despite the circumstances. He stood quickly, struggling to disentangle himself from a yarn ball. In the end, he just dragged it along behind him, trying to look nonchalant as he leaned in the kitchen doorway. "You and Lou, uh…you guys broke up?"

Scorpius nodded slowly, clapping flour off his hands.

Ginny looked between the two, quirking her brow at her son. "I'm sorry, Scorpius. I didn't know."

"It's okay." Scorpius shrugged. "It only just happened."

"When?"

With a long, drawn-out sigh, Scorpius turned to fully face his friend. "On the train. I haven't seen you to be able to tell you."

"Sorry, Mum, I need to talk to Scor alone a minute," Albus snapped, grabbing Scorpius by the arm and pulling him out of the kitchen. His dad was camped out in the sitting room, playing a riveting game of Exploding Snap, so he pulled him away towards his bedroom. By the time the door was closing behind them, Scorpius was chuckling like a giddy schoolgirl, muttering about drama. "You couldn't have written a  _letter_?"

Rolling his eyes, Scorpius pushed Albus back against the door. "Why does it matter so much?" His breath was hot against Albus' face when he leant in to press what felt like a mocking kiss to apple of his cheek.

"Is it because of… _you know_ …?"

"Louis and I want different things," Scorpius whispered with his lips against Albus' ear. "That's all…." Before Albus had a chance to really prepare himself, Scorpius was slipping fingers below his waistband and he'd lost all ability to speak, let alone protest. "I'm sexual…he's not…. That's it, that's all."

That didn't feel like all with Scorpius' fingers wrapped around his cock. Albus gasped, head thunking back against the door as he uttered a final and shaking, " _Fuck_ …."


	18. Goodbye Kiss

The way Scorpius kissed Albus on Christmas Eve felt more like a goodbye than the start of anything new. They never really had a final ending, not in the way most couples probably did. It was merely a conversation – rather one-sided, at that – which finished them off without a single fight for it.

Scorpius seemed angry as he took what was once his. His kisses felt like an attack, his hand working Albus fast and dry but for a palm of spit. He wanted to push him away, but just the feel of him in such an intimate state was enough to forget the pain for the moment. It took everything he had not to say any of this aloud, either. He was worried if he did, something would snap and it might all be over. Scorpius might realize what they were doing and bow out before he was finished.

Regardless, he still left afterwards with some dredged-up excuse, nipping at one of the bruises forming on Albus' neck. Albus watched him go, protests dried up in his throat and pants uncomfortably wet.

Typically, over any break, they saw one another practically every day. Especially once Christmas and all its family obligations were through. But after he left that evening, Albus didn't see Scorpius for the remainder of the holidays. Scorpius didn't return any of the letters, he refused to show up to exchange gifts, and he even skipped out on their well-laid New Year's plans. Every passing day without a word from him, the memory of their two latest encounters started to sour.

By time the start of term rolled around, Albus was way past worried or anxious. He was livid. He had been trying  _so hard_  to get over Scorpius. And the universe was just throwing all of his hard work back in his face. Surely it was some sort of sign, but not knowing what it meant had him fuming.


	19. Stolen Kiss

The wait on the train felt like it lasted forever. By the time he stepped off the carriage at the school gates, the joints of his fingers hurt from clenching. The prefects were always last off the train, so he had an even longer thestral-plagued wait from there.  
  
Albus had been able to see them since Christmas holidays after Lily’s accident. His heart nearly stopped the second he noticed them. They looked like the absolute mastheads of death where nothing but emptiness once stood. His dad had warned him after the funeral about suddenly being able to see them. But that didn’t prepare him in any way. It still didn’t help him. They were still scary and unsettling. Even to this day, they still gave him chills. He couldn’t look them in the eye, finding it made him too uncomfortable. Their presence put him on edge.  
  
Scorpius used to know that. He used to care. When he would step off the carriage, he would rush to Albus’ side, cradling him in his arms and steering him away towards the castle. Those arms felt safe when nothing else in the world did.  
  
But that was then. This was now. When Scorpius came up to him now, he was cautious and his jaw was set. He didn’t have welcoming arms or comforting smiles. Just a wide berth and a less-than-intimate nod.  
  
“Are you done ignoring me, then?” Albus snapped, taking a step closer. When the silence continued to stretch, he closed the gap completely and crashed his mouth to Scorpius’. Then, just as Scorpius softened and relaxed against him, he viciously pulled back and shoved him away. Somewhere in his peripheral, he was vaguely aware of Louis stepping off his own carriage. His eyes wide and slightly confused. Perhaps even a bit hurt. To soothe his own lingering jealousy, he stole another kiss. Softer this time. Searching and completely for show.  
  
“Albus, please,” Scorpius whispered, placing a hand between them. Albus was certain he could feel his erratic-beating heart beneath his fingertips. “I can’t do this. Not with you. Not again.” Sighing, he stepped back completely, his hands clasped behind his back like he didn’t trust himself. “You ended us. You didn’t even _ask_ me.” The emotion caught in his throat, strangling his words before he loudly cleared it away. “You didn’t even give me a say. And you were hurting so I let it go. I let _you_ go. I hid my own grief because I knew you needed me more. You needed a _friend_ more. I was almost over you, Al! You can’t just break my heart and come running back when it’s convenient for you.”  
  
Lost for words, Albus flapped his mouth open and closed a few times before jamming it shut. Scorpius usually hid behind a mask of smiles. He was the solid one between the two of them. So, of course, he was bound to burst with all of his pent-up negative emotions now and again. Albus had just never been the source of those emotions, as far as he was aware. He didn’t exactly know how to handle it but to say, “I’m sorry….”  
  
“Let’s get inside; I’m starving,” Scorpius muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
After a moment, Albus nodded and linked their arms together. Clearly broadcasting friends and not lovers for the world to see. Scorpius needed time and Albus could give him that. He could wait as long as it took. Someday he would have Scorpius back, just not today.


	20. 'No One Knows' Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I was trying to do one a day, but we had inventory at work which messed with my scheduling. Hoping to get back on track today!

  _Dearest and Darling Albus,_

_Is that too much? That's probably too much. I just don't really know what's going to change between us. I don't know how you want me to act around you. Or if you want me to treat you different. All I know is that you kissed me._

_That was my first kiss, did you know that? I'm sure you knew. I'm sure that's why you were smiling like that at me. Like a cat who'd pinned its prey. Or like…maybe you'd finally achieved the one thing you had always wanted in life. I can't be that one thing, right?_

_I'm pretty sure that wasn't_ _your_ _first kiss. You never talked about it. I don't know why you never talked about it. That date with Pammy Arlen? Sorry, she doesn't like to be called Pammy anymore._ _Pam_ - _just-strictly-Pam Arlen. You never said anything but 'it went fine'. But I'm sure the two of you kissed. I don't think people can escape Madam Puddifoot's unkissed. And that's just the one date I knew about. Fourth year, you were definitely trying to get around. With girls. Never with other boys. Am I your first boy?_

_I hope I am._

_I hope I'm the only boy you have ever wanted to kiss. I know that might make me temporary…if you don't like boys like that. We've never really talked about it. We still haven't really talked about it. You kissed me and then you looked around to make sure no one saw. Dad was out; I don't know who would've seen. And then you kissed me again – long and intimate. Then made sure to_ _tell_ _me that you don't want anyone to know. Which only makes me feel even more temporary, to be honest. But I think I've decided I don't care._

 _Albus Severus Potter – I won't tell_ _no one_ _about that kiss. As long as you can promise me you won't_ _stop  kissing me. Is that a deal we can agree upon?_

_Please tell me it is,_

_Scor_


	21. 'I Thought I Lost You' Kiss

Albus wasn't going to classes anymore. He wasn't really even sure why he was still at Hogwarts. Probably to stay close to Scorpius. Even if Scorpius didn't want him. Even if Scorpius was avoiding him…. Well…the Scorpius form of avoidance. He still sat with Albus at meals, just like everything was normal. But that was mostly the extent of it. Their conversations were forced, they walked too far away from one another in the hall, they didn't hold hands or share common room armchairs.

Between them, there were too many compacted emotions. With them there, they didn't know how to act like normal. It was like they were walking on eggshells around each other. Which was why, most days, Albus was out on the Quidditch pitch, avoiding the one person he loved most.

Since the anniversary memorial bullshit, Albus' fear of the pitch had almost dissipated. He almost found the serene quiet of the empty field comfortable. Or comforting. Something about the frozen, dead grass beneath his palms felt real and grounding. Like a nagging reminder that he was still alive.

Somehow, it reminded him of his childhood. Sweet early morning dreams interrupted by sharp pokes or ice water on his face. Stupid, silly pranks pulled by Lily-the-early-riser, spurred on by James-the-previous-victim giggling in the doorway. It was stupid, but sitting out there all alone in the cold made Albus feel the closest to his sister that he had ever been.

Once he coupled that feeling with drunken abandon, it was almost like she was still there. Like she was lying next to him under the clouded sun. For just a fleeting few minutes a day, when he was so inebriated the world felt like it was spinning, it almost felt like she was still alive. Like he could talk to her and she could listen. Like he could still hear her giggle in the far distance. Like he could blow her a kiss on the chilling wind and, per her usual style, she would pretend to be disgusted even as she held her cheek and savored the phantom feeling. All before he finally closed his eyes to the fatigue of sleepless nights, dreaming of a tearful yet joyous reunion.

A dream that was always too short and heartbreaking to wake up from. The bells in the clock tower would chime for dinner before he could really process the movement of time, and he would rise from the grass with tears drying on his cheeks. And, just like nothing was wrong, he would march back up to the castle and join Scorpius for another tense dinner.

They wouldn't speak about where Albus was all day. That's how he really knew Scorpius no longer cared. That's how he knew about the anger his friend must have been harboring somewhere deep inside. They had dreams to lead lives together after school. These were dreams from long before things became intimate. But day by day, Albus was ruining those dreams. He was shattering his chance at ever being on Scorpius' level, career-wise. Not that he might have had the chance, anyway. He was never as smart or as studious as him. Albus couldn't care less about his rank. All he'd ever cared about was Scorpius and being  _with_  Scorpius.

Now…he didn't know  _what_  to care about. It was pathetic, but he was lost without Scorpius. All this time, he'd been too preoccupied with having lost someone he had never taken the time to grow too close to. And, in the process, he'd  _actually_  probably lost the one person who meant the most to him.


	22. Hate You Kiss

"Are they even going to  _let_  you graduate tomorrow?"

Albus shrugged, avoiding Scorpius' look. Avoiding his judging stare. He didn't have the right to look at him like that. He didn't have the fucking  _right_. For months he didn't seem to give a single care what Albus was doing with his time. But now that it was over for  _him_ , he suddenly had concerns? "They're not going to kick Harry Potter's son out of Hogwarts on graduation day. Of course they'll let me. I just won't be able to get a decent job anywhere…. Then I'll really be a disappointment to my dad. I'm rather looking forward to it."

He'd taken his N.E.W.T.s. Since he hadn't attended a single class from second term, however, his scores were likely to be low. Lower than low. Most of his answers were bullshit, as he didn't really care anyway. A break from the wizarding world was starting to seem like a refreshing possibility, anyway. If he could escape his name for even a day….

"So…I guess you've given up on all of our plans." Scorpius' voice was tight, like he was holding back an intense emotion. It was the only reason Albus looked up at him. Some part of his perfect put-upon exterior was crumbling. The tension between them had definitely let up over the previous few months. They were on better terms. But conversations still felt tight and uncomfortable. And things they used to do seemed forbidden. Even sitting this close to Scorpius felt like a bad idea. It was their last night at Hogwarts and they were taking full advantage of the relaxed rules. Just like old times, they were sitting under the stars – only this time it was up in the Astronomy Tower. Just like old times, Scorpius searched the sky for his constellation and pointed it out to Albus like an elusive treasure. Just like old times, Albus found his wonderstruck grin infectious.

Unlike old times, things returned to awkward before that constellation even reached its peak in the sky. "Why do you  _care_?" he snapped, shifting his position so they were no longer hip-to-hip. "It's not like you want to live with me anymore, anyway! Don't you still hate me for breaking your heart…?"

Scorpius' kiss caught him completely by surprise. One moment, Albus was doing everything he could to keep his knee from touching Scorpius' thigh. The next, Scorpius was kneeling in front of him with a fistful of his hair, pulling him in to a deep and anger-fueled kiss.

It only lasted a few seconds. Just long enough for Albus' stomach to drop, but short enough that he couldn't comprehend kissing back. "I  _do_  hate you," Scorpius said as he pulled back, his fingers still painfully tight around Albus' messy locks. "Being around you still hurts. Because I want you…but I know I shouldn't go down that road again. I don't think we can ever go back there, Al…. And watching you fuck up the rest of your life because you don't know how to process my very real feelings makes me only hate you more.

"But I love you, too, Albus." Scorpius' voice broke, but he kept a straight face. Albus supposed he had a lot of practice by now. The fingers relaxed in his hair as Scorpius settled back on the stone. So close, yet  _so_  far away. "And I care. And…I do still want the future we planned together. The one we planned before we started dating. Get an apartment, make our own way in the world, away from our parents' reputations. Sharing a career path may be out of the question now, but it doesn't mean we have to throw it all away. We'll figure it out.

"If you still want to, that is."

"More than anything," Albus whispered, feeling a wave of unidentifiable peace settling inside of him for what seemed like the first time in the last year and a half.


	23. Neck Kiss

The apartment was small. Much too small for two people with completely different lives. One bedroom with one bed was definitely not enough, especially since Scorpius was dating. And fucking. And the sofa they found on a street corner felt like sleeping on bags of dried lawn clippings.  
  
But it was all they could afford. Or, more realistically, all Scorpius could afford. He received a small stipend from his father every month while training to be a Healer and it was barely enough to cover rent on their shoebox as well as a survivable about of groceries. Albus, on the other hand, didn’t have the courage to ask his parents for money. He thought he was above that. Even if getting a job in the Muggle world was harder than he had thought it would be.  
  
Even with all the problems, though, Albus found he wouldn’t trade this cramped space for anything. Not when the nights Scorpius came home alone allowed him to be close with his friend again. He could handle the arrangement they’d designed. If Scorpius didn’t bring a date back to the apartment, they could share the one bed. They’d been sharing beds since they were eleven. It was one of the easier intimacies still left in their friendship.  
  
The bed he shared with Scorpius was Albus' quiet and personal safe place. It was a place where he could dream about a life they used to have and no one, not even Scorpius, had to know. They’d fixed things between them. The awkward past was behind them. They were moving on. Albus still, of course, held out hope of a continued romance in the future. For now, though, just being as close as friends could be would work.  
  
Most mornings, Albus woke in that bed alone. Scorpius was up early to study, which gave Albus the freedom to take care of the aftermath from his Scorpius-filled dreams in peace. Something he’d found to be able somehow refresh him for the day. It gave him a chance to let out all of his pent up sexual tension before continuing through another day with the man.  
  
“Morning.”  
  
Per usual, Scorpius was up and ready for the day before Albus had even thought to try. He looked very put together in his soft blue robes, his blond hair tied back and smelling of lingering shampoo. Not per his usual, however, his shoulders tensed when Albus greeted him with a soft kiss to the cheek. His hands stilled in the dishwater before he resumed his scrubbing at a more vigorous pace. “I’m going to be late,” he hissed, practically slamming a freshly rinsed bowl on the counter.  
  
Albus  stepped back cautiously. “Sorry…. Anything I can do to help?”  
  
“Get a fucking _job_?” Albus winced at the venom in Scorpius’ voice, wishing he’d stayed in bed just a bit longer. “Or at least do the damn dishes while you’re home all damn day doing nothing? All of the bowls are dirty, so I have to _wash_ them so I can eat a damn bowl of cereal before going to my damn internship. Which I will now be late for. Thanks to you.”  
  
Albus had no defense. He had no arguments or reasons why he didn’t do the dishes. It was probably best to stay silent anyway. Bearing that in mind, he quickly dried the bowl for Scorpius before pouring him breakfast and pressing it into his chest. “I’ll do better. I promise. But…is this really about the dishes?”  
  
Sighing heavily, Scorpius dried his hands and snatched the bowl away. In between shoveled bites, he managed to mutter, “Paul broke up with me last night.”  
  
For the last few weeks, Scorpius had been dating a man from his internship. One of the Healers in charge of his education. Or, more like, shagging him. They hadn’t gone on a single date, as far as Albus knew. It was a relationship Albus had warned him from the beginning would only end in trouble. And now that it had, he couldn’t help but to feel a sick nag of satisfaction from it. “I told you not to date your instructor….”  
  
“Yeah, I know.” Scorpius’ sigh was heavy, carrying the full weight of his internalized emotions. “And I didn’t listen. And now I have to listen to him talk about diagnosing patients today when all I can think about is how he told me we couldn’t fuck anymore while his dick was still in my mouth.”  
  
Trying hard not to wince at the imagery, Albus wrapped his arms around Scorpius’ waist. Nuzzling in close and peppering gentle kisses down the bared length of his friend's neck. “How about you stay home today? Hm? We could make a fort with the blankets like we used to. Camp out with some junk food…read the advice column from the Prophet and make up our own answers…take a nap listening to that croony boy band you like. We can make you forget all about Doctor Douchebag. Alright?”  
  
Just for a moment, Scorpius looked like he was going to cave. He gave a small, half-smile, but it disappeared a second later as he pulled out of Albus' hold. “As nice as that sounds…we’re adults now, Al. I have to go. If I don’t pass training, I don’t get a job. And we can’t leach of my father for forever.” Abandoning the rest of his breakfast, Scorpius pushed up off the counter and made for his book bag. “Maybe we can do, like…one of those things tonight, okay?” Scorpius doubled back with a near-wincing smile and pressed his lips to Albus' forehead. “ _Please_ go out and put some more applications in today. And maybe finish the dishes? I’ll see you when I get home.”  
  
Albus watched Scorpius go, feeling an instant emptiness in his presence. “Bye…,” he whispered to the empty apartment before sighing and plunging his hands into the dishwater.


	24. Reunited Kiss

The break-up didn't last. Albus foolishly thought Scorpius would move on from Doctor Douchebag. He'd even fantasized the idea of them finally getting back together. Every single day, he woke up hoping Scorpius was ready for that. It was one of the only goals in life he truly had. It was all he wanted for his future. He didn't have big dreams of success like Scorpius did. All he had was a mindful of memories he'd loved to repeat someday.

But, a mere couple weeks after breaking things off, there Paul was – standing at their apartment door with a bouquet of the reddest roses ever grown. Once Albus let him in, Scorpius was absolutely mesmerized. He was  _gone_. He swallowed the apologies like they were candy and kissed the Healer like he was starved of him. No questions asked or arguments thrown. It was just that easy for Paul, while Albus was still waiting around for his turn to even try again.

Paul was only a momentary notch in Albus' plans. He was temporary. Scorpius needed his time to get over the messy way they'd ended. Albus knew that. He was giving him that space in whatever way he needed it. Even if that meant providing support for his relationship with an older, probably much more experienced man. Even if he had to give up the comfort of his bed most nights. Even if his back was eternally fucked from sleeping on the sofa and his mind was eternally sullied by the dull thumping of the headboard against the wall in the early hours of the morning.

"You look exhausted, chicken."

Albus sighed heavily, shaking the image of the couple from his mind. The only good thing to come from not wanting to see them together was the excuse it gave him to be able to visit his parents more often. Slowly, things were starting to return to normal. The conversations seemed less forced and they weren't really dancing around one another any longer. He smiled earnestly up at his mother, drumming his fingers down the side of his water glass. "I don't sleep well when Paul is over," he supplied with a shrug. Like that would explain everything.

Ginny gave an understanding smile, squeezing his knee gently. "You know, your dad went through that phase, too."

From the corner armchair, Harry snorted and reclined back. Getting comfortable for a clearly entertaining story. "Yes, please do tell our son about how I slept around."

"I don't know that I want to hear-"

"Nonsense!" his mother laughed. "It's healthy to relate to your children with your own experiences. It's good parenting." She threw a balled-up napkin Harry's way, crumbs showering the distance between them his chair and the couch. "Anyway, he did. After the war, your dad and I were dating. We just sort of fell into it. We needed each other. But we also both had our own issues. Everyone did after…. So…for a bit, we broke up. And during that time your dad saw a few other girls. He worked through his problems and I worked through mine. Eventually we came to our senses and got back together. Got married. Had the three of you…." Her voice trailed off, but she recovered easier than she used to with a soft clear of the throat. "Happily ever after."

Albus frowned, silent for a moment as he gulped down the rest of the glass. He would be lying if he said that didn't comfort him just a bit. It gave him some sort of hope, even if it was small. "And what if Scorpius doesn't ever see me as his 'happily ever after' again?"

Like it was simple, Ginny shrugged and stated the most comforting words she'd ever given him: "Then someone else will. Let Scorpius figure out his problems in his own time. But don't stop living your life in the meantime. Your wellbeing matters, too, chicken."


	25. Slow Kiss

"You smell different."

Smiling at himself in the mirror, Albus shrugged. "It's a new cologne. Do you like it?"

Scorpius met his eyes in the mirror, clearly less than excited. "It doesn't smell like you. Why would you get a new cologne?"

After fussing with his unmanageable hair one more time, Albus turned around to face his friend. "I liked it. It was on sale…." The nagging smile returned to his lips before he could stop it, accompanied by a soft blush. "And I thought it would be nice for my date tonight…."

"Your date? With who?"

"One if my regulars from the diner."

"Which one?"

Albus rolled his eyes, pushing past Scorpius to the bedroom. "Apple pie and black coffee."

"The banker? Isn't he a Muggle? You want to date Muggles?" If Albus hadn't seen Scorpius very obviously moving on from their relationship, he might have thought his friend jealous. His tone was aggressive and almost territorial and his body language reeked of frustration. Obviously Albus wasn't going to try and read into it, but he couldn't help but to feel a small balloon of hope in his heart.

Sitting gingerly on their bed, Albus shrugged again. Like it was no big deal. Because it wasn't. Scorpius was dating, why couldn't Albus? "Your Pureblood is showing," he chastised while tying his dress shoes. When the scowl didn't fall from his friend's lips, he threw his hands up in the air in a helpless gesture. "So what if he is? He asked me out and he's never been anything but nice to me. I thought I would give him a chance. I don't think one date is going to define my taste in men forever. I mean, it's not like you're planning to date middle-aged men for the rest of your youth, right?"

Albus' attempt at a joke fell on obstinately deaf ears. "Paul's only thirty-six," Scorpius snapped. After a moment of near-glaring, he lowered his gaze to the floor and muttered, "I just didn't know you were dating again…."

The soft pout on Scorpius' lips almost made Albus want to stand his date up. He was a mere half-second of weakness away from admitting to himself that this wasn't what he actually wanted. But his mother's gentle advice played through his mind one more time, reminding him why he was doing this.  _"Your wellbeing matters, too, chicken."_  He cleared his throat of all unspoken desires and plastered a smile back on his lips. "You shouldn't be the only one having amazing orgasms," he said with a not-quite-convincing laugh and stood with new resolve.

"I don't know if I'll be back tonight," he added, pausing in front of Scorpius. Savoring the surly purse of his lips for an extended, uncomfortable moment before leaning in to cover it with a whisper of a kiss that lasted at least a few seconds longer than it should have. It felt like a minute in his head, but he didn't exactly trust his judgement of time in his vulnerable state. "Don't wait up," he instructed and leaned in to steal another. At the very last second, he remembered his hope for recovery and planted his lips to Scorpius' cheek instead. Still very much aware of how long he lingered in the comforting space of Scorpius' skin.


	26. Regret Kiss

More than anything, Albus wanted the date to work. He wanted to be happy and try to move on, just like Scorpius. But no matter how much attention and fake smiles he put into it, the date just felt like he was giving up on Scorpius. It just felt _wrong_.  
  
He was ready to bolt even before their food had arrived. They’d made idle chat over appetizers and cocktails. It wasn’t horrible. For a banker given the unfortunate name of Eugene, the man wasn’t terribly boring. He was even a little bit funny. The date progressed rather easily and Albus found him to be a likeable enough guy. He might not be much to admire naked…but he wasn’t terribly unfit either. He was okay.  
  
He just wasn’t Scorpius. He wasn’t all lithe body and iridescent skin. He wasn’t ungodly blond or sharply pointed. He was incredibly average. Just normal.  
  
“So…,” Eugene searched, pulling Albus out of his head and back into the conversation. Not that he could recall where they had been going with it, if it had indeed been going anywhere. “I suppose this is the end of it, yeah?”  
  
The cold autumn wind felt especially harsh against Albus' embarrassed blush. “Sorry…I haven’t gone on many dates. I should be asking if you want to grab a coffee or something, right?”  
  
Eugene chuckled and wrapped his arm around Albus' waist. He felt safe and warm. Comfortable, even. “I’ve coffee back at my place, if you’d like. But if you’re not ready for that…I know a nice little bench in the park that’s right across the street from the best ice cream in the city.”  
  
Although he wanted to be ready to move on like _that_ , Albus found himself agreeing to just dessert before they parted ways. They skipped the romantic bench spot in favor of Eugene walking Albus back to his apartment. Eugene was sweet, even after being denied sex, and his hand was rough and warm inside of Albus'.  
  
It was textbook and near perfect. It was everything Albus _should_ want. But the kiss at his door still felt…wrong. It felt almost like betrayal and definitely like regret. It felt like this was a good guy who could probably be good for him. And it felt like he was probably unlikely to agree to another date with him.  
  
“You came back.”  
  
Swallowing the thick clog of emotion in his throat, Albus put on his most convincing smile. “Don’t want to get a reputation for putting out on the first date,” he joked, settling in a chair across from Scorpius at the table. “No Paul tonight?”  
  
Scorpius slowly shut the book he was pouring over, holding his place with his finger. He was red around the eyes, maybe like he’d been crying. Or, more likely, like he might be tired and studying too hard. “I have a practical exam to prepare for tomorrow so I told him to stay away for the night. How was the banker?”  
  
“Boring,” Albus lied, averting his eyes to a spot on the table. “And a wet kisser.”  
  
“You shouldn’t date Muggles or bankers,” Scorpius chuckled. He almost looked relieved, too, but Albus was sure be was just seeing what he wanted to. “On that principle, you shouldn’t date Muggle bankers.”  
  
“I don’t know that I’m likely to ever again. But, thanks.” Forcing one last smile, Albus stood and kissed Scorpius lightly on the top of the head. “Come to bed soon. Your studying isn’t worth anything if you fall asleep during your exam.” 


	27. Savage Kiss

“Hey, Al?”  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“Are you asleep?”  
  
“Almost…. Why?”  
  
“The Sorting Hat almost put me in Slytherin.”  
  
“In a dream or in real life?”  
  
“Real life.”  
  
“Well…you are Pureblood. And your parents were in Slytherin. That adds up, right?”  
  
“I didn’t think that was for me. And…I was pretty sure you were going to be a Gryffindor. Everyone knew you would be. I wanted a friend. But now…. I think I should’ve been in Slytherin.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I’m not a good person, Al….”  
  
Frowning, Albus turned to face Scorpius. In the dark, he could just make out the pale outline of his face. He couldn’t, obviously, read the expression on his friend’s face but he could guess. Whenever Scorpius overthought, he almost looked pissed off. It was when he looked the most like his father – sullen and above everyone else. “Where is this coming from, Scor?” he asked gently, nuzzling into Scorpius’ shoulder in an attempt to instill comfort.  
  
Scorpius’ fingers were in Albus’ hair a moment later, lovingly combing out snarls. A typical distraction from his own, nervous energy. “I know you’ve been thinking it. I see the way you walk on eggshells around me. “  
  
“You’re stressed with studying. I get that,” Albus lied. He couldn’t really deny that Scorpius had been especially gruff with him since that kiss at the Quidditch pitch. Part of that could be attributed to studying. To trying to ensure his future so he could make good out of the Malfoy family name. There was an intense pressure there, especially after sorting into Gryffindor.  
  
But most of the blame probably laid with Albus. It laid with how he had handled ending them so carelessly. It laid with kissing Scorpius when he wasn’t available. It laid with his still-desperate need for intimacy from someone who had very clearly expressed the need to move on.  
  
Knowing he was very much to blame for the mood, Albus found he could get past it. He could overlook the snaps and outbursts – those he knew how to deal with. He knew how to calm his friend. And he overlooked the blatant jealousy and territorial biting – honestly those seemed like good omens to what their future held.  
  
“Scorpius,” Albus whispered when he received nothing but silence, “you’re one of the best people I know. You’re driven and loyal and smart and unafraid to speak your mind. Honestly, you could have landed in any one of those houses at Hogwarts and done just fine.  
  
“But I do believe you were meant to be in Gryffindor. Just like you were meant to meet me. And we were meant to be best friends and fall in love….” He trailed off, the words leaving a bitter aftertaste on his tongue. “You’re a good person,” he added hastily to cover the awkward quiet. “ _I_ think you’re a good person.”  
  
The clock on the nightstand ticked uncomfortably loud in the still night. Outside a horn honked and someone shouted something incoherent. Even though it felt like their room and their space was frozen, the world around them still went on as normal. Oblivious to the tension.  
  
He’d already overstepped his bounds. He’d already  called attention to too many of the things they’d been avoiding talking about over the last few months. With that heavy fact in mind, he felt like an absolute barbarian for even thinking of kissing Scorpius. _Really_ kissing him. Caging him with his limbs and drawing him into a deep and thorough snog. He so badly wanted to leave him breathless and worriless, physically showing him how he thought the world of him. He wanted to take it all away…. His intentions were honest, but those actions could only be deemed savage.  
  
In the end, Albus opted for searching for Scorpius’ hand under the blanket. He linked their fingers together and gave a reassuring squeeze before whispering one more time, “You _are_ a good person, Scor,” knowing, in that moment, he _had_ to be a much better person than Albus. 


	28. Chapter 28

"I broke up with Paul."

It was as simple as that. It was, apparently, all the explanation Scorpius needed to give as to why he kissed Albus like that. Or why he had his hands up Albus's shirt. It was apparently as simple as fucking  _that_ , because it was all he said before resuming his attack on Albus' mouth and on down to his collarbone.

Something shifted in Scorpius after he finally broke down and opened up to Albus. He hadn't said much. But he didn't have to. Albus knew him well enough to take the few words he spoke and spin them into something that made sense. Something that only made sense to the two of them. He couldn't read Scorpius' mind, but he sure could come close.

After that night, all signs started to point to Scorpius wanting Albus back. Where he had been careful before, he was now suddenly reckless. He didn't seem to care to be modest when changing or coming out of the shower. His gentle, friendly kisses seemed to linger just a touch longer. He snuggled closer and smiled wider. Albus didn't want to read into anything and get his hopes up, but day-by-day he was finding that more and more difficult. He was finding himself feeling more and more guilty than he could ever remember feeling.

And then, nearly a week later, there Scorpius was pressing him back into the countertop. Albus had only leaned in to give Scorpius a gentle and easy goodnight kiss on the cheek. Just like he did most nights. He hadn't meant anything by it. He hadn't meant for it to turn into anything, really. It was friendly, as he'd been trying to be.  _Scorpius_  was the one to turn his head and take more. So why was Albus feeling that pit of guilt in his stomach, swallowing up all of his joy in the moment?

"A-are we going to talk about this?" Albus gasped, throwing his head back against the cabinets.

Scorpius didn't even pause. "What's there to talk about?" he chuckled, pushing Albus' shirt up to expose flushed skin.

Unable to think past that pit in his stomach, Albus gently pushed Scorpius away. "Stop," he whispered, instantly hating himself for the break in contact. This was all he'd wanted for a year and a half. It was right there in front of him – attainable – and, yet, he was refusing it? It very much felt like a mistake when Scorpius pulled away, a frown etched into his brow. "I don't want this to be like last Christmas," he continued, voice strangled by the very fear of his words coming true.

"It won't be," Scorpius tried to reassure him. "I promise it won't be. I'm here. I'm staying here. Do you hear me?" He pushed Albus' hair from his forehead, leaning in to just barely hint a kiss to the bared skin. "I'm here. I'm all in. No more bullshit. Okay?"

It didn't quite sound 'okay'. It sounded like plunging back into an ice cold lake just after finally catching his breath from the first time. And yet…it felt like a breath of fucking fresh air. It felt like he could properly breathe for the first time in  _so long_. The one thing he wanted was Scorpius back in his life in the way things should be. He wanted them to be in love again. It was all he had dreamed about for months. This was something to celebrate. So why did he feel so cautious? "I know I hurt you…," he muttered, unable to meet Scorpius' eyes. "I let my grief consume the best parts of us. Have you forgiven me?"

"Yeah," Scorpius said, a soft laugh burbling out of his lips. "Yeah, a long time ago. And I'm ready again, okay? I'm ready…and I know you have been for awhile. I love you, Al. Let me love you…."

It was useless to resist. Albus didn't want to and his conscience would just have to catch up later. Nodding, he lifted his head to land the gentle kiss he'd been aiming for earlier – soft and sweet - to the fleshy part of Scorpius' cheek. "Can we just cuddle?" he asked, allowing himself to smile and feel joy in this. "I just want to fall asleep in you arms."


	29. Chapter 29

Things were… _perfect_. Albus hesitated to think so, because it sounded delusional, but he could find no other way to describe his life currently. It was almost like they hadn't ever even ended. Like there was just a long pause between when they started to that present moment. It was easy to pick right back up where they had left off. Everything was easy with Scorpius….

Everything was  _better_  with Scorpius. Coming home from a long day at work was better knowing Scorpius was there to massage his tired feet. Orgasms were better with Scorpius milking them from his spent body. Even mundane things like grocery shopping were somehow better with Scorpius at his side. Or…behind him, making it incredibly awkward to push the trolley around. Those arms tightly wound around his waist and those whispering lips hot on his ear.

"This would probably go a lot faster if you wouldn't step on my heels every couple steps," Albus joked, stopping their movement abruptly. Scorpius walked right into him with a hearty laugh. "And when we're done…we can go home…. Put on the wireless…maybe slow dance just a little bit…."

Scorpius reached around to run his hand slowly down Albus' chest. "Only if you promise me we can also buy stuff to make ice cream sundaes. Whipped cream and chocolate sauce? And we can decide if we'd rather use it on ice cream or…other things later?"

"You're disgusting."

Just because Albus was going to speak those same words, didn't mean it gave the lady down the aisle the right to. Not that he was going to complain about Scorpius' reaction to the situation. The way he forcefully turned Albus around and crushed their lips together. Making a point for the whole world to see that he unabashedly owned every inch of Albus. His eyes closed and savoring the moment, Albus couldn't see the woman's reaction but he heard her loud scoff before the retreating sound of a squeaky wheel.

An agonizing moment later, Scorpius pulled back with a grin very worthy of his Slytherin ancestry. "I told you we should've gone to the market in Diagon. Muggles are so hateful…."

There was about a thousand things to be said for the Malfoy family and their equally hateful Muggle views, but Albus swallowed them and detached from Scorpius. "I like shopping here," he said while pretending to peruse a bin of apples. "I like being a part of their world. Yes, they can be intolerant…but I still prefer to be in a world where I can be myself. Where my name doesn't precede my personality. You want to date me, you'll just have to get used to Muggle supermarkets."

Just as gentle as a moment ago, Scorpius wrapped his arms back around Albus' waist. "I love you no matter what world you want to live in," he whispered and kissed him just behind the ear. A different kind of possessiveness than a moment ago. A secret one that only they understood. "Now…about my dessert…."


	30. Broken Heart Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we come to an end. There may be a surprise chapter coming tomorrow...stay tuned. Special shout out to all those who have stuck with me throughout all this journey. I love and appreciate every single one of you!

Scorpius Malfoy wasted most of his youth on anger.

His mother died when he was three. After that, his father all but disappeared from his life for a few years, lost in his own grief. And when he came back around, nothing was the same. He tried, but he was awfully aloof and operated without much tenderness. Most of the affection he received came from his grandmother – Narcissa – who couldn’t exactly be described as warm herself.

Scorpius had a lot to be angry for. He had a lot to resent in his life and not much to hold onto in the way of happiness.

Until he met Albus Potter. Being happy with Albus was…easy. And during the times it wasn’t, he found it easy to at least pretend. He learned the art of suppression well during their first year as friends.

Albus’ smile was the brightest thing in Scorpius’ life. From the very first one he earned, all he wanted was to receive more. He wanted to make Albus grin and laugh. He wanted to do anything in his power to make this boy happy. He wanted to touch his skin and feel its warm glow. Equally matched with his dreams of making his father proud, it was Scorpius’ highest goal.

Looking back on it as an adult, he supposed he was always in love with Albus. He just could never really put words to it until they’d kissed. The sensation he received from his lips against Albus’ was like the burble of excitement within him when he made the boy laugh. Except…intensified by an infinite number. It was bliss.

The anger never went away, even when he was with Albus. It never fully disappeared, there was always a small fire in his belly. He was always broken just a bit. Albus helped…but he couldn’t always be around.

A fact proved by Lily’s accident.

Scorpius had his own relationship with the girl. She was like an annoying little sister to him. He’d grown up without siblings and so had silently adopted Albus' as his own. After her death, the fury within him gained a new meaning. It was heartache. That feeling he was always pushing down was a broken heart. It never went away because he never let it heal.

Especially not when it was constantly being ripped open again and again.

After losing Lily, he lost Albus. Not fully, just in the way he had grown accustomed to. He lost the gentle kisses and the soothing caresses. He lost the seams sewing his heart back together over time and gradually became a mess. A mess he tried to hold together with an unbalanced relationship. Ruined ultimately by Albus himself, of course, just when he had tricked himself into thinking he might be able to get by without the other at his side.

It wasn’t healthy in the slightest, but no matter how hard he tried, no one could hold him together the way Albus could. Louis just…wanted different things from a relationship that he did. And Paul…. Well, Paul was temporary. Paul wasn’t meant to be anything serious. He was a stress relief. An in-between until Scorpius felt he and Albus were both ready again.

Truth be told, Scorpius should have allowed Albus back in after that kiss outside the Quidditch pitch. He could have saved them both an unnecessary amount of bickering and depression if only he’d pushed past that heartbreak-fueled anger. It was what they both needed. They needed to be one. They needed someone to hold onto when things felt overwhelming. Someone who _really_ understood.

As much as he tried to pretend he was, Scorpius was just not a good person. He had too much bad blood flowing through his veins. And that was the true reason he needed Albus. Albus was born from light incarnate and he filled those missing spots inside of Scorpius perfectly. He saw Scorpius as good because he was practically looking in a mirror when they were together. He was looking at all of his own strengths reflected back at him.

“I like kissing you,” Scorpius whispered against Albus' back, pressing his lips along the man's spine.

Albus' brilliant laugh in response sent a thrilling twinge through Scorpius' broken heart. Every laugh, every smile, every kiss and fuck and casual glance was mending him piece by piece. Slowly but surely for the rest of their lives in this domesticated bliss.

“I love you, too, Scor.”

Those words and the lingering tingle of Albus' lips against his own was all he would ever need or want for the rest of his life. It was all he would ever need to mend his dark and broken heart. Albus was all he would ever need and he was stupid to have ever tried to deny it.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this story and crave more Scorbus heart-wrenching drama, check out Slightly Broken!


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